After three years, it’s finally time to bid farewell to the most unique, amazing and awe inspiring piece of planet that I could ever imagine. It’s hard to describe what Alaska is like, and I’ve only seen a tiny sliver of it. Words utterly fail when trying to convey the beauty or grandness of this land. Majestic is the word that comes to mind, but it’s still not quite powerful enough.

A lot has happened to me in three years. I got promoted. I quit smoking after 22 years of addiction. I got myself somewhat in shape and can now jog two miles with no difficulty, and finally started making some progress with learning to play the drums. There is a lot that I will miss about Anchorage and Alaska. And there are a few things I won’t miss…

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Since the last update, I’ve been to Tampa Florida, Djibouti Africa, Harrisburg Pennsylvania (for 3 hours), and Oahu, Hawaii. As you might could imagine, I am wholly sick and tired of flying. Also since the last update, I’ve bought a new laptop, built a new computer system via Newegg.com, and found out that I’ll be moving to Virginia in late March.

On the military front, the Air Force has given me an assignment to the Air Force Command and Control & Intelligence, Surveillance and Reconnaissance Center (AFC2ISRC) and I’m looking forward to the job more than you can know. No more never ending communications security paperwork, inspections, paperwork, shredding, paperwork and paperwork. Back to my beloved racks upon racks of servers and routers and the constant sound of whirring cooling fans! I can’t wait.

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I know, I know. “About damn time!” you’re saying. Followed quickly by, “What took you so long?” Well there are many, many reasons why I haven’t updated my site, and almost all of them are totally lame. For example, one of the biggest reasons I haven’t posted an update, is that I’ve been trying to think up really good excuses of why I haven’t posted an update. Here are some un-lame excuses:

One reason is I’ve been practicing with my new electronic drum set. Playing these drums… have led to startling revelations about myself. I now realize that I’m a schizophrenic drummer. I have two personalities. One personality is a drumming God. He has the earphones on with various music playing and comes up with the most amazing beats, grooves, fills and transitions ever, and is drowned in the applause and adulation of his screaming fans. The second personality is apparently a retarded monkey with one arm. He only appears when the “record” light is lit on my computer. He reacts the same when confronted with a “record” light, as he does when confronted with leering zoo visitors… and that reaction consists of a lot of screaming and throwing of feces. Once I clean up all of the crap and kill the monkey, I’ll get some recordings up so you can have a listen.

Another thing that has taken up a lot of my time, is trying to make a decent piece of toast in this apartment.

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Spring is on it’s way. But in this harsh land, Spring cannot just dance in all nice and happy with flowers and bunnies and all of that happy crap. No… in a harsh land, Spring strolls in nice and slow, slapping people around and telling you to put down the ice scraper or else. The signs of Spring are slowly starting to appear, and they have nearly cost me my life.

Apparently just before Spring, my apartment turns into a giant Van de Graaff generator. I can’t come within two feet of the dryer, or any light switch in my apartment (the screws holding on the plastic face plate must be grounded) before a bolt of blue jumps out to hit me like a sledgehammer. I can’t tell if the bolt is leaving from me, or heading toward me as I’m too busy twitching on the ground saying, “fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh” in a vain attempt to curse. In just the past week, I’ve had three near-death experiences… tunnel, bright light, long dead pets… the whole deal. Strangely, it’s not my life that flashes in front of my eyes, but instead episodes of Green Acres which really freaks me out.

Of course, if the electricity doesn’t stop my heart, the explosions will…

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I’ve had a nervous energy lately.  A feeling of… anticipation.  Anticipation toward what, I did not know.  There was a spring in my step.  The post-lunch sleepies weren’t as intense as usual.  I felt like going out and Happy-Slapping some Tearaways. All I knew is that it was a strange feeling to have after this past month.

Alaska in January is perpetual darkness, and bone freezing cold.  It’s dark when you go to work, sunrise when you go to lunch, and dark when you go home.  Sunlight is like crystal meth up here.  You will stand in -10° temperatures just to bask in the Sun for the short periods that it’s actually visible.  But the rush you get is slightly tempered by the huge Alaskan ravens sitting hunched in the skeletal, snow covered trees, staring balefully at you, waiting patiently for you to become carrion.  For two or three weeks, the high temperatures here were around zero Fahrenheit.  If you’ve ever been a cook for a fast-food joint, then you know that feeling you have when you walk into the deep freezers to get more burgers?  The feeling that your boogers are freezing inside of your nose?  Well I’ve discovered that that feeling starts at precisely 7°.  Darkness and sub-zero temperatures sap all of your energy, and when you don’t have to do anything…  you literally won’t do anything.  But here I was, with this weird energy that appeared out of the blue.  I noticed that others had it to.  Then I figured out what caused it.

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