Spring is on it’s way. But in this harsh land, Spring cannot just dance in all nice and happy with flowers and bunnies and all of that happy crap. No… in a harsh land, Spring strolls in nice and slow, slapping people around and telling you to put down the ice scraper or else. The signs of Spring are slowly starting to appear, and they have nearly cost me my life.

Apparently just before Spring, my apartment turns into a giant Van de Graaff generator. I can’t come within two feet of the dryer, or any light switch in my apartment (the screws holding on the plastic face plate must be grounded) before a bolt of blue jumps out to hit me like a sledgehammer. I can’t tell if the bolt is leaving from me, or heading toward me as I’m too busy twitching on the ground saying, “fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh” in a vain attempt to curse. In just the past week, I’ve had three near-death experiences… tunnel, bright light, long dead pets… the whole deal. Strangely, it’s not my life that flashes in front of my eyes, but instead episodes of Green Acres which really freaks me out.

Of course, if the electricity doesn’t stop my heart, the explosions will…

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